Shake Babies

Description

Everyone has been there... its 4am and you're sleeping soundly after having taken several shots of tequila to cope with the fact that you are stuck at your in laws house over the weekend for some stupid ass family reunion that your ungrateful wife dragged you into. You didn't even want to marry that bitch... But somehow you found your dumb ass in the jewelry section of a Sears one Tuesday afternoon buying some shitty ring you told her was a diamond (it wasn't) and then you threw your life and dreams out the fucking window for that loud mouthed bat who doesn't appreciate the fact that her ass gets to sit at home all day while you go to your shitty job at Staples. Every day while you punch the clock she's at home getting fat eating through all the Costco shit you paid for while watching shitty cat videos on her 1st generation ipad with the cracked screen you bought her 3 Christmases ago that she keeps saying she is going to take to the mall to get fixed but secretly just expects you to buy her a new one... and then suddenly a sound off in the distance shakes you from your slumber...you feel your eyes arise from the unconscious void behind your closed eyelids...You already know what it is... you aren't fully awake yet but you don't have to be to know... then it unleashes. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!..  Fuck that baby... That little piece of shit is the only thing tying you to that whore of a wife; who you know for sure fucked your boss at the office BBQ last month; You are still kinda drunk and know what you are about to do is probably not the best choice, but fuck it... and fuck that whore of a wife.  Then you just walk in to the room, pick that little fucker up and shake it like it's a fucking Martini!